a journey that's joyful: June 2016

After Micah was born, I never considered writing out his birth story because all I really wanted to do was forget the excruciating pain that I was in from a failed epidural. I never considered it with Carter either, mostly because I was overwhelmed with the newness of motherhood. Now that its been a few weeks, I've healed some, calmed down, and decided to write out both birth experiences to remember them by. If birth stories are TMI for you, then you'll probably want to skip this post. ;)

Carter

Carter was born on July 9th, 2013 at 10:20am, 7 lb 14 oz. His due date was earlier that week, July 5th. I was enormous and waddled around in the summer heat for what seemed like the longest week ever. We went to the movies, out to eat, and tried to do whatever we could to fill the time we were waiting on our little baby to make his appearance. That was truly the last time I have ever felt "bored". I had an appointment after my due date because of the July 4th holiday. At that appointment, on July 8th, I had planned on asking my Dr. about stripping my membranes. She checked to see if I was dilated and I felt a good bit of pressure when she told me I was about 3 centimeters dilated. I asked about stripping the membrane and she said "Oh I already did." I laughed and felt a little relief that she was at least done. Little did I know how that experience wouldn't compare to the pain of childbirth ahead. :) My appointment was around 2:00 in the afternoon, I started feeling contractions within the hour, but I didn't really know they were contractions.

With both of my pregnancies I had tons and tons of braxton hicks contractions throughout the third trimester. You always hear or see of "false alarms" in the movies or in real life and I was told to try to labor as long as you can at home before coming to the hospital. So I kept telling myself that it was probably just more braxton hicks. After dinner, I was laying on the couch and noticed that they were coming more consistently and started to feel more uncomfortable. We hung out at the house, watched tv, and googled about labor contractions. Around bedtime, I was still unsure if it could be a false alarm or not. We wondered if we should go to bed and laid down to try. Around 10:00 I got up to go to the bathroom and had what I know now is the "bloody show". I had read about it but with it being my first, I got nervous at the sight of blood and decided lets go ahead and go in to the hospital. I was feeling more uncomfortable with the contractions and felt like if it was a false alarm then what harm would it do to just go and come back home. On the car ride to the hospital I started feeling sick... really, really sick. I almost had Mitch pull over to let me throw up on the side of the road but I held it back. The contractions also got really intense on the way there and I knew then they were not braxton hicks.

We got to the hospital around midnight and had to wait in the triage area for a room. I started getting really fearful of the pain at that point. We got into a room what seemed like ages later, I don't actually know what time it was. I got hooked up to the monitors and was getting a bag of fluids so that I could have the epidural, when I felt the urge to throw up. I leaned over the side of the bed and started puking. About this time I started shaking uncontrollably as well. We called the nurse back in and she looked at me and said "Aw, you poor thing." She was nearing the end of her shift and got me a bag to throw up in. The next nurse came in fresh and very reassuring as I continued to shake and feel sick from the pain. Mitch let me squeeze his hand with each contraction. What seemed like hours later, the anesthesiologist showed up and gave me the epidural. The nurse and Mitch held me still while he gave it to me because I could not stop shaking on my own. My guess is it was from the sheer pain of contractions and the fear of never having given birth before.

The epidural worked 100% and I felt amazing after it kicked in. I was sleepy and exhausted but literally felt about a million times better and even was able to close my eyes and doze off in between contractions. My parents came in to see me by then, and thank goodness because I was in a completely different state of mind and no longer felt the need to scream. Early that morning the Dr. came and we started pushing. One con to having such a great epidural was that I couldn't feel much and therefore couldn't feel how hard I was pushing. It made everything drag out longer I think, but in the end, it was worth it to me. Carter eventually was born at 10:20 the next morning, roughly 12 hours after painful contractions started. Even though the pushing part of it went slowly, I still had to get an episiotomy, which I didn't feel the effects of until later that evening (great epidural). Overall, labor was long but once I got relief from the epidural, I was able to enjoy the experience and relax. Recovery was rough but went quicker than I anticipated. I was finally able to hold that sweet baby I had been missing so much. He made me a mama.

Micah

Micah was born May 18th, 2016 at 5:04am, 7 lbs 2 oz. His due date was May 28th. Throughout the third trimester, I kept telling Mitch that I felt further along than I was. Micah seemed to be carrying low the entire pregnancy. I had to wear maternity pants very early on and the last couple months I experienced a lot of pelvic pain and pressure in my groin. I chalked a lot of that up to it being the second pregnancy, and I was chasing around a toddler all day. You might think it gets easier, but I was told consecutive pregnancies wear on your body more each time. The bright side for us was that he came 10 days early and labor was QUICK, especially compared to my experience with Carter. I say bright side but it was also part of the reason that I didn't get that great epidural I was pining for, so a quick labor was good and bad in some ways. I had an appointment on the 12th and was 2 cm dilated. Which sort of confirmed my suspicions about feeling further along than the calendar said. Over the weekend I lost my mucus plug and felt more pressure on my pelvic area and bladder.

I went in for an appointment on the 17th, at 38 weeks pregnant. I scheduled my appointment for 9:00am thinking if they stripped my membranes and I went into labor like last time, I could labor through the day instead of through the night. Wishful thinking! I was then between 3-4 cm dilated and my cervix was 80% effaced. The Dr. stripped my membranes again this time, since I was dilated that much. It was uncomfortable but I didn't feel any increase in braxton hicks or painful contractions the entire day. So, I thought, "Oh well... I guess stripping the membrane didn't work this time." I had been told it wasn't always a sure fire way to start labor. We went to bed like normal and didn't think anything of it. Around 1:00am I woke up from a painful contraction. They came on fast and furious. We called my mom who wasn't far, to come and stay with Carter so we could go to the hospital.

While we were waiting on her to get there, I swear I started worrying that we wouldn't even make it to the hospital. Contractions were intense and consistently about 5 minutes apart. Remembering how sick I got before, we grabbed a bowl for me to throw up in the car, just in case, and we literally pulled out of the driveway as soon as my mom pulled in. We did end up making it to the hospital just before 2:00am. One of the first things I said to the nurses was that I wanted the epidural ASAP... I was in a lot of pain at that point. Luckily the hospital wasn't super busy that night and we got a room right away. They started fluids and checked me. I was dilated to 7cm already. Each contraction at this point was absolutely wrecking my body. For some reason the nurses had trouble getting my IV in. They stuck my left hand twice, then my right hand twice, and ended up in my arm. I never knew my husband had a thing about needles till that night... He hadn't eaten dinner because he had a baseball game so Carter and I had eaten without him. He started getting queasy and had to sit down. Then, I started worrying about him, having never seen him like that, so the tears started flowing... From that point on, I basically cried the entire time!

Contractions came faster and faster and I kept asking when I could get the epidural. I had finished the fluids and the nurses kept saying "We've called him to come. He's with another patient and he'll come as soon as he can." I was shaking uncontrollably and in such unbelievable pain. Whenever I get a shot or have some minor medical procedure, I typically pinch myself in another spot on my arm or leg to distract from what I feel elsewhere. So, instinctively I started clinching and scratching my thigh as hard as I could when I would have a contraction. By the time he was born, I had scratched my leg up so much that it looked like a cat had attacked me. It did not do the trick this time and distract from the pain of childbirth. ;) Left some pretty crazy marks all over my leg though!

When the anesthesiologist FINALLY showed up, I was in tears and terrified we wouldn't have time to get it. My mom had gotten to the hospital by then too, because my in laws had come to stay with Carter. I was in so much pain, I don't even know if I acknowledged her presence. The anesthesiologist started the process of the epidural. He only had like a 2-3 minute window to do it because of how close contractions were and I obviously could not keep still during one. They held me still and he put the needle in, which was more painful this time than with Carter. I started to get scared. He said something quietly like "We may have to re do this." They had me lie down for 10 excruciating minutes and I felt no improvement or relief. He said something like "It was in a blood vessel so I had to pull it out some. We'll have to do it again." I think I just cried and said "No. I can't." Then a few seconds later, my water burst. The midwife on call said "Katie, I think this baby is ready to come. He is just ready to get here. I don't think we have time for the epidural."

I felt sick and mortified. The thought of having a natural birth was never something I thought I was capable of enduring. I hadn't planned on doing it that way. I just kept thinking, "this isn't happening... I can't do this. I'm going to pass out." Without the reassurance of the midwife and the amazing nurses (there were about 4 of them in there by then), I don't know if I could have. I remember crying "I can't.", and the midwife said "Yes you can! You are so strong. If you were in a field by yourself you would push this baby out all on your own. You can do it. Your body will push the baby out." So we started pushing. Hello, ring of fire. I was so terrified and in shock from the pain. They told me they could see his head and hair. I bent over and could see the very tip top of his little head... that's when it became real and I was determined to get him out as soon as possible. It took maybe 5 more strong pushes and then it was over. I have never felt such relief. They handed him to me and I just shook with a mix of joy and amazement. While the epidural during Carter's birth, made me more comfortable and relaxed, not having the epidural with Micah's birth, made me more emotional and aware. I experienced every detail of his birth as fully as possible.

I held him close and he started to nurse. That's when I started feeling more contractions. I don't remember experiencing contractions when nursing after delivery with Carter. I may have but the intensity of them was no where near what I felt this time. Maybe because I had had that great epidural or maybe because it was the second birth. I remember thinking this time, "What the heck is this?! I thought I already gave birth!" These contractions were really painful each time we nursed (every 2 hours for the first few days). They lessened each day, though, and I was able to have some pain medicine that did help with nursing. I was amazed this time around too at how quickly your body starts to heal and adjust. Its fascinating that God created women's bodies to give birth and recover from such a huge undertaking and change.

Overall, I was able to experience birth both ways. If I knew it would go smoothly and work well, I would probably ask for the epidural again. :) That being said, I did surprise myself by giving birth to Micah without it. If I knew labor would last less than a hour, I might not ask for the epidural. :) Both were beautiful, painful, amazing experiences and in the grand scheme of things, such a small fleeting piece of time. I am so grateful that God kept us both safe during pregnancy and delivery. One thing I know for sure after each of these varying experiences, is that life is truly a precious, miraculous gift.